Chosen Family and Shiva Policy as of January 2020

Over the years, Kolotnicks have gathered countless times for shivas to support members who are grieving loved ones. It is also our custom to put out Barukh Dayan HaEmet email announcements. We think of these announcements as something sacred. A window into the lives of the people we have loved and lost, and a chance for Kolotnicks to be witnessed and held in their  time of grief. In addition, these announcements are how we share shiva and funeral information.

While there have been a few exceptions over the years, Kolot’s policy to-date has been that we put out announcements and host shivas when the loss is of a member, a members’ parent(s), partner, sibling(s), or children. 

At this time we’d like to share that we are changing this policy.

In addition to the categories above, if you have lost someone you love - a friend or family member who feels like your cherished “framily”/chosen family/your people- Kolot will put out a Barukh Dayan Emet announcement to share the news, and to give other Kolot members an opportunity to send their condolences. While Kolot does not have the  capacity to host and provide food for a shiva gathering, the broader community is still encouraged to come and bring food as individuals. To that end, if you will be gathering for shiva you may use the announcement to share details about how the Kolot community can be there for you. 

We hope this change reflects our view that the traditional category of mourners (partners, parents and children) does not encompass the full scope of the relationships that infuse our lives with love and meaning. May we be held by all in our times of grief and joy.