D'var Torah, Molly Rae Bock

From a d’var Torah on Miriam in Numbers 12,

by Molly Rae Bock, 2003

So here I am shut out of the camp with time to ponder.  All around me there is sand and there's a well, which looks like it's mine.  On the first day I was very angry with myself because of my actions and at Aaron for not being shut out too.  That night, I slept next to the well where there's a wall that protects me from the sun in the morning and from desert animals and from the cold air.  I dreamt that I had switched places with Moses and I was closer to God. 

The second day I was not so angry.  I began to think about how I could change my actions and myself.  I thought I would try to be less nosy and more respectful.  I believe I was so nosy about people because I really had no one to talk to but Aaron.  That night I slept a little better. I dreamt that I was closer to Moses.  The dream felt wonderful. I actually thought it was real!

On the third day I was so much more relaxed.  I thought about how my mother taught me to be a good girl and always to listen to people.  That night my wall protected me from animals and other creatures.  I slept like a real baby.  I dreamt that when I got back to camp God made me and Aaron and Moses His servants.  My dream was rudely interrupted by the sound of an owl.  Whoo, whoo, said the owl. 

I think these seven days are helping me.  Today is day six.  The days until now have gone by like a fast wind.  But I've had time to think and not work.  I have been drinking water and pondering events.  I've thought a lot about Moses and how he has such a good connection with God. I have come to understand that I feel a little excluded because my own baby brother pays more attention to God than to me.  When I was talking to Aaron about Moses and the Cushite woman, I was really thinking about Moses paying so much attention to God and not to me.

When I get back to camp, I am going to talk to Moses and tell him how I feel and apologize.  I am also going to try to spend more time with him.  If he says he doesn't want to, I will let it go and try talking to him again a different time.  Then after we work things out I am going to ask him to ask God to call me to the Tent of Meeting so I can apologize to Him too.  I think when I talk to God I am going to be myself, but less nosy.  I am going to tell God the way I felt before He sent me out of the camp and how I feel now.